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Slowly.

I have an arsenal of pre-written works, each demanding a piece of me if I choose to publish them. It’s a race again. Between 11 and 12, I browse my notes app for 20 minutes before deciding to write something fresh.

I should probably start writing earlier so I can sleep and fill my time with something else. But for now, I don’t. I put my tasks on hold until I publish this blog, which means my day starts around 11:45 PM. It isn’t ideal, as I end up procrastinating and staying up until 4 AM.

Contrary to popular belief, I am getting better. Whether it's my sickness, my phlegm-addled lungs, or my journey. I laugh as I write "journey." It’s funny. I can't explain it.

I'm letting things flow and not worrying about what I can't change. I’m also focusing on what I need to care about, making connections I thought I needed in my first year. Now I want it. I didn’t need it before.

It’s fun, doing things you like, and even things you don’t, to figure out your boundaries. Not letting pure success or failure dictate them. Enjoyment is a valid and important part of life.

I usually don’t read the books for the reading club. I hadn’t last week either. But I’ve made progress: from not considering it to attending, to opening a tab for the book, to reading 32 pages. Progress.

I’m planning on attending another meeting which requires reading a book. I haven’t started yet. I plan to after a hot shower. Even as this sickness leaves me, the weight lingers. It’s been this way since my painful sinusitis in January.

Maybe I should get a check-up.

I’m accepting that I need change. I’m making small changes, like being consistent with this blog or reading a few news headlines. Doing something small to learn or grow feels good. Maybe those nature walks people recommend are beneficial.

It’ll take a while to adjust my sleep schedule, as well as my study routine. I don’t want to neglect my studies while making these changes, but I get lost in this device.

I’m focusing on things other than my phone. But studying isn’t one of them yet. Which is okay for a short while.

That short while is ending. My readings are piling up. But I will get through them, in my time, slowly but surely.

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