Skip to main content

Forget Me Not.

Tamilshaadi.com. Tamilshaadi.com. It's a rhythm that doesn't stop. It comes back, advertising me with marriage websites, humming a rather catchy tune that only comes to my mind at times when I need wit and knowledge. Gallarain kuptacha? That's what I hear; the first word is possibly not right.

As much as the way they sing these lines sticks to my head, I don't need marriage. I am there for the music.

I am listening to the music I have earned the right to listen to. Three advertisements where I have to listen to a music app tell me I can choose the music I want to listen to only if I pay.

The black bean noodles I have wanted to taste forever. At least that procrastination has ended; I have finished the manual as well. A little too late, but the event went well.

All I can think of are the cooked black bean noodles in front of me at this moment. Two friends beside me. One looks slightly dejected. One has eaten it; they say it's a sweet kind of spicy. I am wondering what it's like as the other twists it and puts it into my mouth. It's burning my tongue. It doesn't feel sweet. Maybe if I concentrate, it will.

What kind of flower would our friends be? I said she would be the biggest flower ever, stinking of corpses. I have a mouthful of noodles to demonstrate how wide I can stretch it. I get it from my dad, I say.

I told myself I would wait until everything was done to eat it all. But I have broken my promise, looking at her hand extending a fork full of food into my mouth with an open-mouthed expression.

I think I would be a miserable flower, always asking to be remembered and promised. A forget-me-not. Is that a flower? I know not.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Is It Casual Now?

There’s a line that sits between us—a hesitation that hangs in the air. Let my silence speak. It’s awkward, yes, but it’s real. Why should I feel bad for you when the hurt is mine to carry? I can see where you’re coming from, but the choice was yours. If the words were empty, why let them out? If you didn’t mean it, why not say so? Just don’t say it at all, or let me know it was never meant to hold weight. But now, I find myself asking—is this what we’ve come to? Has it all become casual, something to brush off like it was nothing? Letting things go because it’s easier than facing the truth?  If that’s the case, then maybe that line I drew wasn’t just a pause. Maybe it was a boundary, a way to protect what’s left of something real. Something that matters. Because once it’s all casual, what’s left but empty gestures and hollow promises?  I wonder if this is how it starts—when words lose their weight and actions feel more like habits than choices. When we start ignoring the smal...

Varuthaayi.

"വരാം," ഞാൻ പറയുമ്പോൾ, "പോകാം" എന്ന് പറയാനുള്ള ആ പേടി. My legs prickle like the seeds of a strawberry, and I feel like tearing myself apart today. I keep picking at the wound that heals every two days, only for it to break open again—blood and flesh. I feel trapped in my own skin, my body will never be what I want it to be. There are things I’m supposed to become, but time is slipping away. I applied for many things. I have sent my name into the void—eight, ten, how many more? They have to call me today. If not, I won’t be who I need to be. Tomorrow, I’ll be hopeless again. I can’t hold on to who I am, so how will time hold on to me? I eat the yellow as if it might bring some joy. One piece is thin and crispy, the bite sounds, and I feel it. The next is thick and bland—someone like me must have cut it. One is unexpectedly sweet, even though it isn’t brown like I expected. How it lies to me. I look in the mirror, I look away. Another is too salty. I eat 250 grams of ...

Rainy Reflections.

What do I write today? I pondered for hours while doing mundane tasks. The sunlight stayed with me for a while, then it left, all alone, before the tube of electricity joined my thoughts. "Aren't you eating dinner?" asked my roommate. That's when I finally broke the silence I had condemned myself to until I wrote. I ate dinner and drank tea instead of coffee because I wanted to sleep earlier. I came back to my room, determined to write the third blog post. I couldn't give up so soon, could I? The sounds of doors and windows slamming against the walls, screeching laughter, and people running around seeped into my room. "It's cool outside, the rain, it's raining," said my roommate. I am not a huge fan of the rain. It always made me moody. I wasn't a hater either. Something in me whispered back to my roommate, "It's raining? It's raining!" I jumped up barefoot and ran out to feel the cool breeze against my face. My feet felt th...