Skip to main content

Stranger.

When does the touch of a person feel like it burns your skin? Maybe it happens when what should comfort only reminds you of what never was. Affection, meant to be soothing, feels foreign and heavy, like it's something you can’t recognize anymore.

Love, once familiar, has become strange—open in a way that feels too exposed, too raw.

When a hand is raised, you flinch. It’s a reflex now, one that you can’t shake off, because you no longer believe it’s meant for you. Instead of warmth, you brace for something sharp, something that will leave a mark. 

The touch that once meant care, a reminder of what’s changed. You don’t pull back out of fear but because it’s unfamiliar, like a language you’ve forgotten how to speak. And so, you stand there, waiting for the sting, only to be left with the ache of memories.

You forget but your body doesn't. They forget but you never will. Each touch feels like a test. Will this one burn too? Will it leave a scar that won’t fade? You don’t want to pull away, but you can’t help it. You’re caught between wanting to feel safe and knowing that whatever this is, is never guaranteed.

It's weird how it works. It's weird how you never asked for love to be a stranger, but she fades into the crowds on the streets. Now she says hi, like you were supposed to wave first. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Varuthaayi.

"വരാം," ഞാൻ പറയുമ്പോൾ, "പോകാം" എന്ന് പറയാനുള്ള ആ പേടി. My legs prickle like the seeds of a strawberry, and I feel like tearing myself apart today. I keep picking at the wound that heals every two days, only for it to break open again—blood and flesh. I feel trapped in my own skin, my body will never be what I want it to be. There are things I’m supposed to become, but time is slipping away. I applied for many things. I have sent my name into the void—eight, ten, how many more? They have to call me today. If not, I won’t be who I need to be. Tomorrow, I’ll be hopeless again. I can’t hold on to who I am, so how will time hold on to me? I eat the yellow as if it might bring some joy. One piece is thin and crispy, the bite sounds, and I feel it. The next is thick and bland—someone like me must have cut it. One is unexpectedly sweet, even though it isn’t brown like I expected. How it lies to me. I look in the mirror, I look away. Another is too salty. I eat 250 grams of ...

Permission to Dream.

I had a dream. I ran out of the airport, got into a taxi, then out again, and ran. I ran so fast, yet my left lung didn’t pinch. I ran home. The company house I had called home for so long. I told them it was technically my tharavad. They laughed, and I understood why. But I knew every inch of that place. The way my feet could map the cool tile floors, the small gaps between them, the familiar weight of the air inside, the walls that had seen me through everything. I opened the door, and everything was just as we had left it. It was a dream. It’s been a while since I dreamed. And yet, this one felt jarring—not in a way that unsettled me, but in the way that it confirmed something. I knew I was heading home. I knew the airport, I knew my destination. But as I stepped inside, I felt as though it was telling something. Telling me.  That I could call it home. That I had permission to call it home.

Reaching. Reaching.

What I reached for so long revealed itself today. In the trees, I find peace in the green—to feel small for once, even as the problems of my heart rise as high as the trees. For a moment, they float. They give me purpose. They make me a person when I am struggling to be one.   These trees have saved lives.   So many feelings overwhelm me; my head aches. I dropped her off at the airport, and my room was ill with the scent of home, so I strayed as far as I could while staying as close as I could (to the place I knew most in this foreign land). I stretched out on the stone bench—edit after edit—taking my mind off things. The deer looked at me thrice.   I feel.   I felt as a child. They have revolutionary thoughts, some psychedelic revelation. I was twelve—why did it have to be this way? Three parts torn into to get the fruit. Three different ways: one tries to become a tree, the other shrivels up and dries, and the third, a different color, holds a l...