Skip to main content

Sleep.

What I thought had settled down has stirred up again, and all I want is sleep. Yet I keep myself awake, chasing perfection in a work I've been assigned. Hours have passed with me hunched over, inhaling food when reminded, my eyes straining, and glasses leaving faint, pink indents on my nose. 

Now I lie against the bed, half my face pressed into the pillow, one leg hooked upwards while the other rests straight. My hands curl like dinosaur claws around my phone as I type this out. Adele's singing about finding someone like you, but I can't seem to care about love right now. This is as casual as I'll get. 

In sleepy bouts, I let myself be tired, and my mouth loosens. Don’t wake me up and ask me something—I’ll start talking about something entirely different from what you asked. I might even make you a cup of tea. Or I'll fight to the death to ensure I get my sleep.

Right now, sleep feels like the only thing keeping me together. If there was no transitional rest phase before tomorrow arrives, it would be dreadful. With no place for my mind to drift to, no space for my body to lay, I couldn't. Perhaps that's why lack of sleep show up so visibly in humans. 

Bags for the eyes to carry. Hallucinations for the eyes to see. Isn't that enough accessories to be sporting to class tomorrow? Maybe I will throw on some regret and relief. But for now, I will let sleep claim me. Now, I rest, I forget. 




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Fading Glory.

It's getting worse each time. A stabbing pain pierces the right side of my body. Is it real or fake? I can't tell, but it feels real enough. The pain is undeniable. It's like the cry of an athlete dislocating their knee, or the off-pitch note of a singer losing their voice. Years of honing a craft, developing a skill, and with one accident, one minor moment, it all slips away. It's harrowing to face the prospect of dying on the field you played to stay alive for. The sheer exertion and endurance of these athletes—it's a testament to their dedication. The sweat on their faces is more than just a sheen. Wipe it away, and it reappears. Bruised and darkened knees, common slides on any type of ground—their bodies are used to being used. They throw themselves into their sport until it consumes them entirely. It's both their beauty and their burden. Do the expectations and reports weigh on their shoulders? Aren't we supposed to lift them up on our shoulders? My mat...

Permission to Dream.

I had a dream. I ran out of the airport, got into a taxi, then out again, and ran. I ran so fast, yet my left lung didn’t pinch. I ran home. The company house I had called home for so long. I told them it was technically my tharavad. They laughed, and I understood why. But I knew every inch of that place. The way my feet could map the cool tile floors, the small gaps between them, the familiar weight of the air inside, the walls that had seen me through everything. I opened the door, and everything was just as we had left it. It was a dream. It’s been a while since I dreamed. And yet, this one felt jarring—not in a way that unsettled me, but in the way that it confirmed something. I knew I was heading home. I knew the airport, I knew my destination. But as I stepped inside, I felt as though it was telling something. Telling me.  That I could call it home. That I had permission to call it home.

The Old Vase.

We remember so we don't forget. Of the pain, of the love, of resistance, of liberation. They will forget, their children will not remember. But our flesh has the memory stored in our bones, as we are born, it is born with us. In us.  Forget about it. Forget about yesterday. Time that's to come is made by time that's gone by. The bones remember, the flesh clings to what was, and with every breath, we resist. The past slips away with parts of us, we must hold it gently without letting its arms turn into binds.  Can we live without leaving scars when we were all made of wounds? Can we make choices that feel like they reach beyond ourselves?  We remember as if by instinct because we were forced to forget once.  I hold the cracked vase gently. I wait for the glue to arrive. I can buy a new one now, but something tells me the old one will last longer. Once we trace our fingers over the scars, let them heal and fill them for all the space it has created.  Maybe then, t...